Tamworth Post Natal Depression Support Group

After a difficult pregnancy with my 2nd child (i was in and out of hospital from 28wks as i had problems with my placenta and also SPD) he was born 3 weeks early with a relatively easy birth (compared to my 1st!). Although being re admitted to hospital a week after with infections and things i recovered well from the birth and felt like i was managing to cope with baby and a very lively 22 month old! However, when my husband went back to work things started to disintigrate. I handed the baby over to practically anybody who walked through the door. I didn't feel any attachment to him. I cared for him and fed him because i knew it was my duty to do so. But it was all on automatic pilot. I cared for both children but felt like i wasn't doing a very good job. I started not being able to answer the door if i didn't know who it was, i didn't answer the telephone though could cope with texting. I avoided what social situations i could. Managing to walk to feed the ducks alone with the children or the shops but not interact with people i knew, even good friends. I stopped eating most things except toast. This of course affected my milk so i gave up breast feeding relatively early. I felt only relief at this as it was one more task some else could do with baby. This usually fell on my husband. Fortunately he worked mainly from home so he was lucky enough to reorganise his work so he was around more. Doing alot of his work in the evenings. As soon as he came in i handed the baby over. I preferred to cook the meals for the children, than spend time with them and if he could do that then that was good! Everything felt like a fog. I was running on automatic. When my Health visitor came to do my 6 wk check i scored high on the edinburgh scale and was referred to my GP. She put me on medication and also reffered me to the community psychatriac nurse specialising in pre and post natal (CPN). Much after this is a blur. My husband fills me in alot. My medication changed 3 times before they got the tablets that started to work. My CPN refered me to the psychiatrist who managed my medication. During this time the health visitor, GP and CPN saw me most weeks. All of them were amazing and i believe their support greatly enabled my recovery. I attended the weekly Tamworth PND group. This was my lifeline and something that i do remember from that time. The children were safe and happy and well cared for in the creche. I had chance to listen to others feeling the same and to speak about my own situation if i felt able. When the baby was about 6 months old he was taken into hospital with breathing problems (to be the first of many stays still continuing today!) I suddenly felt proactive, i had to fight for him because he couldn't do it. When he cried it was me he needed. I was finally bonding with him! It was an amazing feeling. Like coming out of a fog. After that things continued to improve. I slowly began to be braver with social stuations. I became more involved in my childrens lives again. It wasn't all roses and there were definately blips but i knew that i was beginning to get better. More than a year after the baby's birth i was referred for a course of CBT which helped immensely. i wouldn't have been able to cope with this whilst still very ill but on the road to recovery it helped greatly and taught me skills i still use alot today. I came off the tablets gradually and stopped seeing the pschiatrist nearly 2 yrs after the birth. A long and slow recovery!

And now? In the last year we have moved house and area and had our 3rd child who is now 6wks old. He was a total suprise (after the above experiences we definately didn't want any more) and i spent the majority of another difficult pregnancy (the SPD this time causing me to use crutches and a wheelchair) worrying about the afterwards bit! I feel totally different this time. Have bonded well with the baby and don't feel in a fog! And if PND rears its head, myself and my husband know how to handle it but i don't think it will. I regret immensely not remembering much about my 2nd baby at this stage and look at photos that i can't remember being taken from that time. But at
the same time it means i can enjoy this baby so much and relish each stage.

I have a great relationship with my son,who is now 3 and who still has many hospital stays and can get very ill at times. He does not seem to have suffered through my PND. I would even say that our family is so much closer becuse of it and thats saying something given my husband bore the burden of it for a long time. So if you're going through it, you can come out of the other side and
it doesn't necessarily mean you'll have it again if you have another baby. It is conquerable!