Tamworth Post Natal Depression Support Group

Did you know that 1 in 10 women are affected by post natal depression? Mother of two, shares her experience with us...

I developed PND after the birth of my first child three years ago. On reflection, it started after the birth and continued for nearly a year. It took me about eight months to realise that I had it and it is only now that I can see what it was and how it affected my family and me.

There are three different types of Postnatal Depression (PND): ‘baby blues’, postnatal depression & puerperal psychosis, all of which can occur up to six weeks from delivery or even later, sometimes up to a year after the birth. For some women it can begin during pregnancy. And whilst there is no certainty as to what causes PND, our hormones play a big part in it, as well as a number of other triggers. There were four key triggers that contributed to my own depression:

Firstly stressful life events: in the space of one year I got divorced and re-married, became pregnant, gave up my career and put my house up for sale! The second trigger was a traumatic birth. Being two weeks overdue, I was induced following 24 hours of contractions. The result was a forceps delivery with an epidural that had to be switched off half way through. Having never experienced pain or hospital environments, it was a terrifying ordeal for me. The third trigger was the overwhelming disappointment I felt regarding the birth and motherhood. I did not bond with my daughter for some time. Any books that I had read filled me with false expectations, and I related to nothing in them at the time. I felt ashamed that what should have been a joyous experience was not. Finally, there were the 24-hour constant needs. I had been an independent woman for 38 years and here I was with my baby controlling my every move. I felt inadequate as a mother and guilty for not wanting to be with her all the time, even though she was a happy, contented baby.

My symptoms were typical. I would cry for no apparent reason, I was constantly anxious. I lacked concentration when people talked to me, I would stand in shops and not know why I was in there! I ran around tidying and cleaning despite feeling exhausted so that nobody would think me a bad mother or that I wasn’t coping. I had very little pleasure from being a new mum. These symptoms were not constant – I do have photos of me looking radiant and happy. But at my lowest these times were rare.

I firmly believe that it is very difficult to “diagnose” yourself with PND when you are suffering and that is probably why I said nothing while inside I was desperate for help. I do remember visiting my GP to obtain a sick note for work due to sciatica. I broke down in the surgery with a locum who must have thought she had a mad woman in front of her. She offered me anti-depressants and wrote a sick note out for PND rather than sciatica. I refused the drugs and walked out – It was a path I was frightened to go down. I do think now that not dealing with it at the time contributed to the length of my illness. I eventually threw out several lifelines to people but nobody realised that I was ill or if they did they didn’t know how to help.
Ironically, the first help I received was from a book: Life After Birth – What Even You Friends Won’t Tell You About Motherhood, by Kate Figes (Viking £12.99. One copy available in Central Library ISBN 0670866008). The author pulls no punches with her accounts from various women about the realities of being a mother. For the first time, I related to someone about my feelings regarding motherhood.

The second help came from a friend who was a health visitor. She told me about the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) that detects mothers suffering from PND through a simple multiple-choice questionnaire. Scores of 12/13 or more indicate that a woman is likely to be suffering from a depressive illness. I scored 20! I was partly relieved. It felt reassuring that I could account for what I had been feeling and for my symptoms at last.

I then found escaping for one hour a fortnight for reflexology and manual lymphatic drainage with a local qualified therapist was invaluable in making me feel “whole” again. Weekly sessions of Shiatsu were also really therapeutic, both mentally and physically.

I also decided to go back to work part-time. My usual self-confidence and esteem was low but I slowly found it again. I realised that I had judged myself entirely by my career and how much I earned. Losing both of these had made me feel vulnerable and motherhood seemed to be so little valued within our society. As the old me started to return, a new person emerged with different values and opinions on what makes us the people we are.

Three years on I strongly believe that becoming a mother, despite being the most difficult thing I have ever done, is also the most rewarding. My career pales into insignificance when I think of nurturing this little person. The love I feel for my daughter is immeasurable and I mostly forget what we went through during those dark days.

Six months ago I gave birth to my son. This time around there were no stressful life events; I delivered naturally in 7 hours, which meant I bonded immediately with him. It felt like textbook stuff! Of course, the 24 hours constant needs are still there. They will be for some years but I am able to accept them now. I believe I have been fortunate to have a second chance in many ways…I have overcome the difficulties from the first time around and I am at last enjoying what is rightfully mine to savour – motherhood.